A Different Kind of Mission Home

Sunday was the annual barbecue at Robert and Lani Graves house. I had heard of this infamous couple through conversations with other Affirmation members and through Carol Lynn Pearson’s book, No More Goodbyes. Now was my chance to finally meet them and see what everybody was talking about.

David and I arrived late. Robert was busy at the grill, and Lani was running around alerting everyone with news of fresh-off-the-grill burgers. She and I bumped into each other as I entered the house and she was heading to the deck.

“Hi!” Lani welcomed me with an embrace. Each having a distinct destination, we both veered our separate ways without saying much more. I assembled a burger, scooped up some broccoli salad, eyed the desserts for later, and found a seat in the dining room with a group of others who were almost finished.

Before folks cleared out, Robert invited everyone downstairs to watch a new documentary in which both he and his wife took part. “Come watch Lani, the star of the show.” Lani humbly rolled her eyes.

The film was created by Susan Polis Schutz, founder of Blue Mountain. She has an openly gay son and wanted to film stories of other families that show homosexuality not as something distant that affects “those people” but rather as something that touches anyone in every walk of life. Entitled Anyone and Everyone, the film has been aired on PBS in San Diego and will air around the country in select locations, dates and times pending.

The Graves represented a Mormon perspective and were perhaps the most seasoned of all interviewed. Robert was right; Lani was the star of the show. And it’s no wonder. She’s articulate, full of warmth and love. Fifteen years ago her son came out to her, giving her enough time to process her experience and develop a keen understanding for what families go through when a family member comes out. During one excerpt from an interview with her, I was struck by her lucid declaration, “I decided to love my son fiercely…” Robert and Lani were able to see beyond religiosity, dogma, and prejudice to simply love their child for who he is.

In doctrinal debates, it's easy to get caught up in philosophical banter and forget what each of us are blessed with from the beginning: common sense. After all, is not the worth of each individual what matters most? If in conforming to what we feel is doctrinally correct we turn our backs to our loved ones, are we not missing the mark altogether? There's so much more to life than getting hung up on sexual orientation.

On our way home, David and I both concurred. Visiting the Graves is something akin to being on a mission and visiting the Mission President's home. When's the next fireside?